Connections - BJ'sBlog

Connections, BJ's Blog Page

(comments may be directed directly to BJ (revbj@ushartford.com)

Blog Entry for January 1st, 2009

Christmas Dinner

It’s been going on for eons I suppose….the organically evolving menu for Christmas dinner. I just stepped into the stream at some point in childhood when I became conscious that certain foods came at certain times and that I had clear preferences.

Our 30 member family would tumble into the house, bearing infants and children, crinkling paper packages and dishes full of food which was recognizable by the fragrance of all spice, sage, cinnamon, nutmeg, or savory still steaming ham or turkey.   There was my sister’s sweet potatoes, my mother’s dressing to die for, my other sister’s cranberry salad, and that huge candy tray from my mother’s best friend with the exact same fudge, divinity, short cake, nut balls, and cheese straws.

And so it went, until I was 12, and my aunt moved away….no more lima beans with red pepper Christmas color added. That first year Mother made the dish, because no one could imagine the table without it….but her heart wasn’t in it…and it just didn’t taste the same.

Then my cousin, Mary Lee, arrived one year with a new husband and a big dish of macaroni and cheese. There was a hush in the kitchen for a moment as we took in the fact that, for this year and perhaps many years to come, we would not only be eating mac and cheese on Christmas (and who ever heard of THAT!!!) but we would no longer be savoring the ambrosia which Mary Lee always brought before, and it was our GRANDMOTHER’S recipe!

Mother didn’t say a word, but her lips got tight (which was always a very bad sign) and the next year she drug out an ancient yellowed scrap of paper with my weird grandmother’s handwriting on it, got me scraping coconut meat, …and so it was that ambrosia became MY contribution to the ritual feast. And ever after that, as folks helped themselves to my ambrosia they would gaze surreptitiously at my cousin who was happily helping her husband’s plate to mac and cheese. He did not like coconut.

The holiday table evolved with deaths, births, divorces, 2nd marriages, step children, new neighbors, arthritis, losing jobs and moving away to new jobs, economic upswings and downturns, exposure to other cultures, and other inevitable joys and sorrows that accompany the passage of time.

Some things continue-- my Mother’s cornbread dressing and sweet apple rings made from cucumbers. But, all the people who like coconut are dead or gone, so we’ve omitted ambrosia. And my niece, well, she divorced her Filipino husband a decade ago but we’ve grown so accustomed to the lumpia and turon which he loved, that we just keep making it.

And this year we had pineapple cheese bake, my son’s fiance’s family’s favorite holiday dish, and as she, Haley, is likely to be the theotokos who bears my grandchildren who will likely ADORE pineapple cheese bake, I may be enjoying that dish for our evolving ritual meal for the rest of my life.

Everyone accommodates, as covenanted communities of love do, so long as we have ham, turkey, my Mother’s dressing and her famous Japanese fruit pie.   I have noticed lately that there’s more and more cornbread dressing left over, but my sister and I just tighten our lips and don’t say anything.

I’ve finally figured out that the ritual which I thought had been set in stone for eons before me, and should remain unaltered, had in fact been a living evolving ritual. And that those we love who are no longer at the table, are with us still in sweet dreams that fuel our living.

The evolving table is a lovely conceit when thinking of change, yet when we actually set about it, we find it challenging as well as joyful. We can muse that yes, change is in the air we breathe, and give philosophical consent. Then, we notice that the dish we brought was hardly touched this year, and realize that we may be asked to bring a different dish than our favorite. As the menu evolves, we remember the ancestors, not to mention our own preferences, and begin to imagine that the day will come when there is not a single dish on the table which honors their memory, not to mention our own tastes. That’s where trust comes in, and faith that nothing will be lost that is essential to our beloved community.

Evolution inevitably occurs in organic, vibrant, robust living communities which are responsive to environmental shifts, and which keep at the forefront a commitment to the invisible things--
love, respect for the rainbow of human experience, and willingness to share.

This evolution requires that we build communities of faith, trust, self awareness and responsibility.

--communities of trust--- that though we can’t always have everything we want, we can often have some things we want, and will certainly have what we need most.

--communities of faith that there is more than duty involved  in allowing others to enjoy themselves first on occasion, belief that as our love matures their joy will not feel like it is at our expense, but, rather, a huge deposit in our own personal bank account of wellbeing, connection, and life purpose.

--communities of self awareness and responsibility—recognizing our frustration or impatience or exhaustion at sharing an evolving table, owning the fear or sadness underneath the frustration, fear that our accustomed way of being or very identity may be threatened when the menu shifts, celebrating our capacity to graciously accommodate to the evolving table because we value the people around the table more than the food served, and claiming our capacity to get ambrosia someplace else.

What does this extended metaphor have to do with us, here?

Our congregational mission states:
“We are an evolving……..” Hey! We know the table evolves.   So, we commit ourselves to EMBRACE human diversity, within our church family, and by expanding our table to include those in the larger community, in order to promote our values—love, justice, service.

This evolving table is the end to which, “we pledge our talents, energies, and resources.” Our purpose here is to grow in spirit and in service AND in sharing our life saving faith. There is a broader need for the richness, beauty, peace, and disciplined friendliness which we savor here….and there are still foods we have not tasted and been nurtured by.

Just something to think about….I’m having collards, black eyed peas, ham and cornbread for New Years dinner. Come on over. You aren’t required to eat the collards, if I don’t have to eat your weird grandmother’s ambrosia!    Rev BJ

See these links for further worship related pieces:

1. Emergence and Evolution Regarding WORSHIP: A Charette Update
2. Summary of our Congregational Musical Discussion in April, 2007
3. Mattie and BJ’s Reflections on Worship going forward (add link to page)
4. USH Dreams for Worship and Music: Strategic Plan Review

Let us know of any comments, errors and corrections - thanks (revised 12-10-08)